Shackles for Babies

Yep, you read it right---"Shackles for Babies".  I can hear you---"WHAT!"  You are outraged and really hoping this is some sick, twisted practical joke.  Sorry to disappoint, but this is no joke.  This awful thing is happening to babies all over the United States!  The "Shackles for Babies" devices are sold by the finest and well-known retailers and are frequently the "most favorite" presents at baby showers.  "WHAT????"

One definition of shackles is "anything that serves to prevent freedom or movement."  Using that definition, here are some additional illustrations of "Shackles for Babies":

Perhaps you have some "Shackles for Babies" in your home.  Perhaps your child "loves" them.  Perhaps you don't think you could live without them.  But, please consider some information before you use your "Shackles for Babies" again.

Humans are built to move.   Before birth, one of the most important signs of health is movement.  Your obstetrician is sure to ask, "How much does the baby move?"  They may even have you do a "kick count" to measure your baby's wellbeing.  If you report to a healthcare professional that your child is not moving in utero, everyone starts getting serious.  You'll likely get an ultrasound and numerous little tricks will be tried in an attempt to wake up that baby and get it moving.  Bbbbbbbuuuuuuutttttttt . . . . once that little one enters the world, they are wiped off, swaddled up like a burrito and flipped on their back.  They are unable to move their arms, legs or even turn their heads.  Hhhhhhmmmmmmmm . . . what just happened?  Why is movement so vital one moment and strictly prohibited the next?

Paralysis, paraplegia, quadraplegia, etc.----those are all words that strike fear into the hearts of mothers.  We would be devastated for our children to suffer from any of those conditions.  Yet we IMPOSE those conditions on our child by strapping them into devices that prevent them from moving.  A wheelchair can move much better than an infant swing, but we'd be heartbroken to put our child in a wheelchair.  Why aren't we heartbroken to put them into "Shackles for Babies"?

When men sit on the couch watching sports all day, we call them Couch Potatoes.  When people laze around in their pajamas in bed all day, we call them Slugs or Sloths.  Why would we force our infants into the same conditions we abhor in adults?

Movement is beautiful.  People love to watch beautiful movement.  During the Olympics, we all re-arrange our schedules to see the gymnastics, track & field, swimming, figure skating, etc.  When people run or swim or flip gracefully and skillfully, it is one of the most exhilarating sights.  Why would deny our offspring the opportunity to begin that most liberating task of movement?

Babies are born to move---they need freedom in the prone position to learn to use their arms and legs in a coordinated way culminating with independent travel---getting across the room to find out what is in the cabinets, under the plant, in Mommy's purse, etc.  They learn independence by moving to satisfy their wants and desires.  They learn to use their two eyes together to focus on a single object, and thus LEARN depth perception.  Yes, depth perception is LEARNED first by being in the prone position----and not for just 15 minutes a day.  

Infants should spend their waking hours in a safe, clean, warm environment in the prone position.  Infants can only see a short distance initially---on their backs they don't have the opportunity to learn to use their vision and converge the vision of their two eyes.  (Nope, mobiles and baby gyms don't change this---the mobiles don't give them an opportunity to learn and explore their environment, visually or otherwise.)  The perfect way for an infant to learn to use his vision properly is to be on his tummy, when the ground/floor is just a short distance away and his toys are nearby.  He learns neck control and back strength in a much healthier and functional way.

The natural progression of mobility is to first crawl on your belly (sometimes called the army crawl or commando crawl), then creep on your hands/knees (medical definition is creeping, most Americans call it crawling), THEN walk, hop and run.  This development is crucial for vision, respiration, digestive motility, coordination and neurological organization.

Please do not use the "Shackles for Babies" for convenience.  These devices cause terrible results in the structure of these infants (look at the pictures and see how misaligned their legs, back and head are).  They keep the precious little one from exploring his world.  They also isolate the child from other people---who is playing with a baby in one of these devices????  Usually, no one.  

Is your house going to get torn up if your baby is free to move?  Yes.  Is it going to be harder to clean, cook and do laundry if your baby is on their stomach on the floor?  Yes.  Are their clothes going to get more worn out and dirty?  Yes.  Are you going to have to be a LOT more diligent about keeping the floor clean and free to small things that might be choking hazards?  Yes.  Are the results worth it?  More Yeses than I have space to type!

Please do not limit your child's opportunity to move during his waking hours.  Please let life on the floor be a way of life.  (I have an opinion about sleeping hours, but that is another post for another day.)  Please do not deny your child the chance to enter into the joyous world of movement.  Let them figure out their arms  & legs and use them for the purpose God designed them.  That is a designer I don't think should be argued with.

"They'll Outgrow It"

I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard the phrase, "They'll outgrow it."  I'd be rich because this is one of the default answers given to so many mothers whose children are struggling.  I have some real problems with this answer.

1.  Why did they grow into the issue in the first place?  If this is a problem, it's a problem.  Why do they have the problem?  Something is obviously going awry, and the CAUSE is my biggest concern.

2.  How do you know?  Maybe they will and maybe they won't.  You cannot guarantee they'll "outgrow" an issue, and then you will have #3.

3. Why wait?  Why waste my child's growing and maturation time just watching a problem?  Why not identify what the root cause is and go to work right away to ameliorate the issue?

Sometimes--not always, but sometimes--the "they'll outgrow it" advice comes from a lack of information about what to do about the problem.  They don't have anything left in their tool kit to combat the issue, so "wait and see" is the bottom of the advice barrel.  

If you are uncomfortable with your child's development, YOU ARE RIGHT.  If you see your child falling behind their peers in social graces, academics or motor skills, don't feel ashamed about wanting to start work right away to help them.  If someone tells you to "wait and see", then don't hesitate to get another opinion.  Information is easily-obtainable in this information age---keep looking until you find what your heart tells you is right!

Then your child has a much better chance of "outgrowing" an issue because their parent is setting up the right environment/activities to support the brain in that growth.

Constipation

Warning: This blogpost is about poop. (If you are a Cub Scout-aged boy, that means it's really awesome!)  But the simple truth is we should all poop.  Pooping is good for us---in fact, it is essential to our health.  Unfortunately, pooping is not effortless for some people---and that's called constipation.  You should have a bowel movement one to three times each day.  That bowel movement should not be over-poweringly smelly.  It should be well-formed and resemble a long sausage.  Little stones or grape-like shape is still constipation.  Watery or loose stools are diarrhea, and that's not healthy poop either.

Bowel movements are a very important way for your body to discard wastes and toxins---and it needs to do its job in order for the rest of our system to function efficiently.  I read once that if you were standing behind a car that was shooting smoke out of the exhaust pipe---and that smoke smells putrid and is a horrid dark color, you pretty well know that SOMETHING is wrong with the internal workings of that vehicle.   You may not know WHAT is wrong, or HOW to fix it, but you KNOW that car needs help.

Same is true for children.  If what is coming out the back end isn't healthy, then something is going WRONG in the internal workings of your child.  Something else I thought worthy of mention is that when you're in traffic, you want to get AWAY from the car that smells bad and is belching noxious exhause---and the same is often true of kids with constipation issues.  Why?  Because of the smell?  Well, sometimes that is certainly an issue.  But there is more.

Now we get to the heart of what I felt so strongly about writing this morning.  Digestive issues, including constipation, are directly related to behavior issues! This can't be emphasized enough.  Whenever a child has disruptive behavior, poor social connections, wide mood swings, depression, etc. there is a VERY high chance that digestion is the culprit.  If not the sole culprit, then at the very least a partner in crime.  Please do not under-estimate this important factor of health---including MENTAL health.  There are endless studies pointing to nutrition combined with exercise as the most reliable CURE for depression.  The side effects are all positive.  Anti-depressants are proven to be riddled with terrible side effects, short-term effectivness and expensive! 

There are many, many facets of good digestion and making sure you/your child is completely emptying their bowels EVERY DAY.    The types of food eaten, the amount of water, the types of food to AVOID, supplements, exercise, etc.  The answers are not the same for every child, but it is VERY important for you to find the answers for your child.

Recently, I had an infected tooth and was on anti-biotics for 20 days.  Although I had seriously NEVER been constipated before in my entire life, the anti-biotics resulted in some real struggles in the bathroom department for me.  And my attitude was in the tank!  Everything and everyone annoyed me.  I was impatient and frustrated easily.  All of a sudden, I was much more understanding of what people with chronic digestive disorders deal with.  Poop moved WAY up my priority list when I realized the stress it placed on my entire system---with the symptoms being my behavior.

Here are some good things to consider when dealing with constipation:
1.  Nutrition---get ALL junk and sugar out of the diet.  They are AWFUL for your system.  Yes, a healthy system can detox a certain amount of poor eating.  However, if there are issues, stay away from these toxic loads.
2. Water---Drink 1/2 ounce of water for every pound your/your child's weight EVERY DAY.  Example: A person weighing 100 pounds should drink no less than 50 ounces of water each day.
3. Probiotics---The friendly bacteria that help with digestion.  They also keep yeast at bay.  I like Primal Defense by Garden of Life.  There are many good ones.  Do your research and take a GOOD probiotic.
4. Oxypowder---This is a natural cleanser without negative side effects frequently associated with laxatives.  You will likely have to purchase this on the Internet.  We've used this in our home and found it to be really effective.  You can use a maintenance dose of this also.

There is a lot more information available that is important for understand and resolving constipation issues.  But what I learned from my own experience is that this is an ESSENTIAL.  We cannot expect our children to function happily or sometimes even function at all when there are toxins backing up in their system.  If your child is struggling in any area, please monitor their bowel movements and take hasty action if you see any issues with constipation or diarrhea.

I can report a relief in my mood and attitude once I resolved this issue for myself.  Consider this high on the list whenever you see any unwanted behaviors in your child.

;^) Donna

Some good reading material:  Healing & Preventing Autism by Jenny McCarthy & Dr. Jerry Kartzinel.  This has an excellent chapter entitled "Poop: The Whole Story on Constipation, Diarrhea and Your Kid's Behavior".

The Happiness Project

I recently came upon a blogpost written by Gretchen Rubin, the author of The New York Times Best Seller, The Happiness Project.  Gretchen spent a year testing out every theory of what makes you happy.  I am just beginning to read this book and will be reviewing it on the blog, probably in Spring 2012.  Until then, I just wanted to point out something she wrote about in her blog (www.happiness-project.com).

It seems that science and experience both agree that happiness is found in what you do EVERY DAY, and not in what you do occasionally.  The vacation getaway to the beach doesn't have near the impact on you that your daily routine does.  She specifically mentions a friend who thinks she is a routine exerciser because she works out for 2 hours approx every two weeks.  NOT!  The person who is likely to find happiness from exercise is the one who runs every day, even if for short period of time/distances.

This is also true when it comes to neurological programs for your child/family.  You won't get the satisfaction from occasional programs that you get from daily programs (5 days per week).  The routine, consistent performances are the ones that bring personal happiness and a sense or accomplishment---plus success as your child grows and improves!

I really appreciated this blogpost---I am going to more carefully examine my daily routine and see what is actually eating my time.  And does it bring my happiness?  I may enjoy something (a television show, Facebook, email, reading blogs, etc), but does it contribute to my happiness.  If not, does it belong in my every day routine? 

I know doing programs from Parents With Purpose on a daily and consistent basis brings results for your child---which brings changes to the whole family.  Every mom I've interviewed who actually DOES the program CONSISTENTLY, says it was hard, but it made them happy.  Even before their child was ready to graduate from the program, they felt happy.

I challenge each of us to really look at our day, fill it with what really brings happiness.  Realize the difference between temporary pleasure and happiness.  While temporary pleasure is fine for an occasional treat, we should be CONSISTENT with what brings real happiness.  For me, knowing my child is growing and thriving is one of the things that should be on my "happiness" list every day!

To listen to some interviews from mothers who have done the program, visit   http://www.parentswithpurpose.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=23

Dear Diary

I recently read an article published by The Deseret News about a woman named Cleia Schow Barrett, who is now 86 years old, who has kept a daily journal EVERY DAY SINCE JANUARY 1, 1939!  For almost 73 years, she has faithfully written in her journal about her life EVERY DAY.   There is a lovely picture of her together with ALL the journals she's kept over the years---it is remarkable.

Writing a short bit about your day isn't that remarkable.  It doesn't take much time or make much of a difference at all.  If she'd only written on one day, she probably wouldn't even still have the entry.   If she'd only written for a year or two, the book would probably be tucked away in an attic somewhere, but not the  subject of a newspaper article.

What IS remarkable is her daily diligence.  She wrote EVERY DAY for almost 73 years---and counting.  I am so impressed with her consistent performance.  So here is an AMAZING lesson I have learned from Cleia Barrett---I can do something very simple every day and it will become something spectacular and valuable over time.  Can you imagine if Cleia had started out her journal writing thinking about how much she would have to do over the next 73 years?  How intimidating and overwhelming would that be?  It might have scared her out of even beginning. 

I am guilty of trying to eat the whole elephant at one time.  My day is usually composed of simple things.  I need to do the simple things and LET THEM BE SIMPLE.  They're not hard and I don't need to intimidate myself by worrying about how many times I'm going to have to do them for the rest of my life---just today. 

And so are your programs.  Parents With Purpose programs are not NASA Laboratory experiences.  There is nothing remarkable about doing one day's worth of program.  However, over time, it becomes very powerful.  The remarkable things become the results you from doing small things EVERY DAY (5 days a week).  Just do what you need to do today, and keep going.

Like Mrs. Barrett, when we get further into the journey, we will look back and see we've learned and grown so much.  She said, "I think that I cared enough about my own life that I was in charge of my own life."  WOW!  She cared enough about her own life to decide what she wanted and how she was going to attain it.  Interesting perspective---caring about your own life.

Mrs. Barrett's daughter, Collette Judd, has also learned from her mother's journal-keeping habit. 
"Time passes and there are good things to remember about it."  Yes, time passes, programs can be hard, but there are GOOD THINGS to remember about it---a good thing to remember.
"There are times when you have to work really hard to hold on."  Yes there are.  But you DO have to hold on in order to achieve your goal.
"It doesn't seem like you are progressing day to day, but when you look back you really have."  I see this in almost every re-evaluation.  It is so easy to remain focused on how much work we have left to do, that we fail to see how much we have already accomplished.  I frequently remind parents where their child was when they began the program and their response is, "Oh my gosh.  I'd forgotten just how bad it was."  Laying out the exact progress is one of my favorite things about re-evaluations for that very reason---we often fail to see the progress.

Thank you, Mrs. Barrett, for your excellent example.  I'm uplifted and reminded that I CAN and NEED to do things consistently.  It is NOT impossible.  But it IS powerful!

If you would like to read the original article about Mrs. Barrett, you can do so here:  http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/61592/Dear-Diary-Daily-record-kept-for-72-years.html

The Best Thing Fathers Can Do for Their Children

The #1 best thing fathers can do for their children is to love their mother.  This indicates a solid family structure and both traditional values and statistics tell us it is the best indicator of successful children.  That's a great things for fathers to know and work toward. 

But what does "love their mother" entail?  It involves a LOT of things, such as:
1.     A kiss in the morning and a kiss goodnight
2.     Opening her door
3.     Thanking her for all her hard work
4.     NEVER allowing the children to speak disrespectfully TO her or ABOUT her
5.     Remembering special occasions---birthdays, anniversaries, Mothers Day (big one!), etc.
6.     Continuing to date her
7.     Offering unsolicited help with the dishes or the laundry or other household chores
8.     Noticing if she changes her makeup or hairdo or gets a new outfit
9.     Giving her some time to herself
10.   Telling her you love her

Oh, I could go on and on with ideas.  They are numerous.  I'm sure you have your own suggestions also.  But I would like to talk about one particular idea that is extremely important----respecting her understanding of the children.

I have, unfortunately, witnessed many fathers discount the mother's opinion when she says she knows something is not quite right for their child.  Mothers have pleaded for someone to listen to their concerns and help them find ways to help their child---and the dad says, "I disagree and I veto any further action on this subject."  Well, this is where steam starts coming out of my ears.  Because while that father was putting his foot down, I see the look on the face of the mother.  She is almost broken in half now.  She knows, and she knows deep in her gut with that sense that was given to mothers by God.  There is no argument in her mind---only wanting to know what to do next.  And now there is a roadblock.  And it's the very person who should be her partner.

So "what to do next" means her focus is shifted away from helping her child and back to dealing with someone who won't believe and trust her.  The very person who should be supporting her and praising her dedication won't trust her about her very own child.  He trusted her to be the one to nourish the baby in utero, to give birth, to get up in the night to feed, to change the diapers, etc.----but doesn't believe her when she says, "I know something needs extra attention here.  I know something should be going differently than it is." 

So here is my advice on the best thing fathers can do for their children----trust their mother to nurture and care for them, even if you don't see it the same way.  (Of course, there are some basic ideas to agree upon---hopefully you cleared those up BEFORE a child came along.)  But if your wife has concerns, then support her and help her.  99% of the children who are struggling are FIRST diagnosed by their mother.  She knew long before other family members and certainly before the professionals.  She is not lying or imagining things---quite the opposite.  She knows what "well" looks and feels like, and  she knows that something is awry.  She is not borrowing trouble just for fun---those struggles do not increase her "fun" quotient.

My own husband wasn't really quite sure what to think when I told him I knew something was wrong with our youngest child.  But he believed me.  When that something meant we needed to take action, I wanted to fly to Philadelphia and start working with our son myself.  In his words, he was on "quackwatch", but he never said a negative syllable to me.  He already knew I was our child's best advocate.  Six months into it, he saw the progress and knew we were on the right track.  He understood and believed what I had known earlier---but in that time when he was "quack-watching", he let me do what I instinctively knew was right for our son. 

My husband understood the special gift given to mothers---sometimes called "mothers' intuition" and how powerful it could be.  He knew this gift began with Mother Eve and has continued through the annals of time.  He knew that when I became a mother for the first time at 5 am on a June morning in 1984, that gift was bestowed upon me.  He also knew this gift was never used for my benefit, but always for the betterment of our children.  He knew that God trusted me with this gift, and he did, too.

And that level of respect and trust is #1 on the list of "loving their mother".  Thank you, Bart, for loving me so well for almost three decades.  I am a better person because of you!  Young fathers---love your child's mother, it's the best thing you can do for your children.  Ever.

Never Give Up

David O. McKay wisely stated, "No success can compensate for failure in the home."  I love how eloquently he teaches us that family is more important than the rest of the world.  That our efforts with our children and spouse are long-term investments.  That all the glory and money the world could heap upon me would pale in comparison to having a righteous, happy family. 

However, I recently heard a story about a reporter further questioning the author by asking for his definition of "failure."  His answer was that failure is giving up.  This is really food for thought. 

How many parents do I know whose children are struggling, and they have given up?  They are just going to love their child and send them to whatever program the public school offers and be satisfied with whatever comes.  How many parents are just praying their child will "outgrow" their struggles and somehow magically be able to pay attention and sit still after puberty hits?  How many parents think it's okay if reading is hard for their child because it must be genetic---the parents and grandparents struggled, too.  How many parents just turn their head when their child attempts to participate in sports or playground activities because their child "runs funny"?  To my way of thinking, these strategies are all "giving up".

The reason I say these strategies are "giving up" is because  a) they seldom bring success and  b) there is no action being taken by the parents.  It's not enough to hunker down and survive---we, as parents, need to be learning and taking action for our children EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, even if those steps are unpleasant, tiring, demanding and take every ounce of our strength.  We cannot let others be in charge of our child's progress.  We can certainly get help, but we are ultimately responsible and should keep ourselves in the drivers' seat.

I, sadly, watched the Detroit Lions play the Dallas Cowboys today.  Detroit was losing 20-0 in the third quarter.  But they still never gave up.  They fought and fought and came back to win 34-30.  They didn't give up.  They looked completely defeated, but they never quit.  They played football for the entire 60 minutes and because they took every possible chance they were given, they WON. 

And, as parents, we should, too.  Don't give in to a negative prognosis from a professional.  Don't let anyone tell you that parents aren't qualified to make decisions about your child.  Don't give up because it seems progress is coming too slowly or not at all.

Learn, learn, learn, learn.  Inform yourself.  Get a VARIETY of opinions and don't discount your instinct regarding your own child.  If you have professionals working with your child, know every detail and be in the ring on your child's side.  Make your time at home with your child productive.  Stay focused and dream at night about your child's success.  Work like it all depends on you and pray like it all depends on God.  And never never never give up!